I think my vagina is haunted
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
