Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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