Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
