she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
