You work out of a Hotel?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
