This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
