I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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