forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
