I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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