he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
