wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He felt like a one man threesome
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
