dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
