Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
