I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
