can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
