Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
