just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
