I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
