Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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