I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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