I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
