Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
