I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
