i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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