ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
