someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
