we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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