i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
