physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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