Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
