I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
