If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
