so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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