i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
