I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
