We're facebook friends in real life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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