Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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