Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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