Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
