I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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