I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He felt like a one man threesome
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
