Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
