Already got asked if we're dating
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
