Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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