somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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