My room smells like vodka and shame
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
