these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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