Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
