Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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