Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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