i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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