I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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