can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
