Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
