ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
