And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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