i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
