if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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