I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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