Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
