You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
