she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
