it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
