Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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