you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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