So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
