were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
