i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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