Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
