Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
