Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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